so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
pop tarts are not kleenex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
