im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize