Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
