you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
