We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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