these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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