She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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