The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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