i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
