i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
