You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
