I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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