I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
