Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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