do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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