I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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