They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
