How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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