Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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