hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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