My first STD was from a foam party
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
