Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
