Swine flu. Run for my life!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
