Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
