her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Houston, we have a blender
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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