Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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