God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
