if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
