Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
