remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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