i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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