I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize