I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
