I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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