I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
