so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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