im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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