Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
