yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
