Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize