I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
