my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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