mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
