so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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