Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
