dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
