I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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