In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
