Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
