you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
