The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
