She is in my trunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
