Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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