Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize