Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm always down for nudity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
