I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
