The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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