I just made out with a guy for $7.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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