I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
