theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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