She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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