I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
