3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
