Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
