I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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