I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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