My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
