Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
