you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You work out of a Hotel?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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