I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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